Review by Jake

Opening Date: June 2^nd

Tagline: …take a side.

Synopsis: After Brooke (Aniston) calls it quits with her boyfriend Gary (Vaughn), neither person is willing to move out of the condo they share. Taking the advice of their respective friends and confidants (and a few total strangers), they both engage in mental warfare designed to force the other person to flee the premises — until they both realize they might be fighting to keep their relationship alive.

Trailer Review: This is a nice trailer of what should prove to be a hilarious movie. As pointed out in the synopsis, Aniston and Vaughn play a couple who is recently broken up. But neither one will leave the apartment they share. Or the bowling team they are on. Or…well, you get the point. So they instead start a mental war-game that yields some great comedy, in their desperate attempt to convince the other to leave. Of course by the end they realize they love each other and want to be together, which should make this a decent movie to take your significant other to.

Trailer Verdict: Worth seeing, in theaters, maybe even on opening week. Plus Jennifer Aniston walks around nearly naked on screen after getting the “Terry Savalas” wax job down-below, if you catch my drift. I expect this movie to feature good romantic comedy, plus some down-right dirty antics in their mad attempts to win the war that they used to call their relationship.

Trailer: www.IMDb.com

Review by Jake

Tagline: Take A Stand

Synopsis: When a cure is found to treat mutations, lines are drawn amongst the X-Men, led by Professor Charles Xavier (Stewart), and the Brotherhood, a band of powerful mutants organized under Xavier’s former ally, Magneto (McKellen)

Trailer Review: First of all, I am against any X-Men movie. This is because Hollywood takes liberties with the characters, the plots, and the casting. I sure wouldn’t have picked Hugh Jackman, whose biggest accomplishment before the first X-Men was playing Curly McLain in a TV Version of “Oklahoma!”. That being said, I will move on to the review now. The preview shows some action, some struggle, and is voiced over by Jean-Luc Picard, err, I mean Patrick Stewart. He gives a motivational speech similar to that from Rudy, sans the emotional drama that X-Men 3 will undoubtedly lack.

The previews for X3, however, hardly delves into the plot of the movie. The preview, between sections of the speech, indicates that a cure has been made to stop the mutants from being mutants (hmm…did they get that idea from “Fantastic Four?”). Some mutants don’t want to go back to being human obviously, Gandalf, err, I mean Magneto, being one of them (Hint: This is the conflict in the movie). But who is who? Who is on whose side? Why don’t they want to go back? These questions remain unanswered. Fighting ensues, blah blah blah, lots of special effects in lieu of a story line, blah blah blah, Halle Berry (who plays Storm) returns to a movie about a comic book character after making the terrible film Catwoman, Wolverine is the gruff, anti-social anti-hero who saves the day, blah blah blah. The story line will be nothing new, and neither will the action sequences.

Trailer Verdict: Short and sweet; if you liked X-Men or X2, you will go see X3. If not, you won’t. This movie will not draw in a new crowd, it was made simply to bilk the current fan base of more juice money.

Also, I would like to point out that the movie is called “X-Men: The Last Stand”. I plan on suing for false advertisement when X4 comes out in a few years.

Preview: www.IMDb.com

Review by Jake
  Tagline:  Seek the truth.

Synopsis:  A murder in the Louvre and clues in Da Vinci paintings lead to the discovery of a religious mystery protected by a secret society for two thousand years — which could shake the foundations of Christianity (The synopsis says Christianity. The movie trailer says Mankind. Typical Christians to think their struggle is that of the entire world).

Trailer Verdict:  (NOTE: THIS REVIEW IS WRITTEN BY SOMEONE WHO HAS NEVER READ THE BOOK. DO NOT WHINE THAT I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN SOME OF THE THINGS I AM POINTING OUT. I DID NOT READ THE BOOK BECAUSE AFTER ALL IT IS 2006, IT WAS INEVITABLE THAT SOMEONE MADE A MOVIE OF IT).

Anyways, Post 1980’s-now-serious-Tom Hanks plays Professor Robert Langdon, an American (Professor) in Paris with a terrible haircut. Someone dies in the Louvre (silent r), and the chief of police (of PARIS!!!) asks a professor for help (I’m sure Paris has several hundred trained detectives to handle the case). So Tom begins to unravle a series of secrets hidden in some DaVinci paintings. Then danger ensues, and according to the preview, some rather terrible driving (three car crashes, all involving semi’s). Chalk it all up to searching for the truth.

Trailer Review:  Here’s why I think this is going to be a decent film:

1.) Its a Ron Howard film. Ron has made some blockbuster films; Willow, Backdraft, Grinch, A Beautiful Mind, and Cinderella Man. He worked with Tom Hanks on Apollo 13. Ron knows how to blend in decent acting, good special effects, and music that fits the scene, and make a decent package film that a large audience will enjoy (i.e. this movie will draw in people who like mysteries, action, big named actors, and people who have read the book, if only so they can say to everyone around them “the book was MUCH better”, instead of aiming for just one of those genres).
2.) Tom Hanks is a pansy now. He is responsible for some of the greatest films ever (The Money Pit, Dragnet, The ‘burbs, Big, Forrest Gump, Toy Story, Saving Private Ryan, Road to Perdition, etc.). He is also responsible for some of the worst movies ever (Joe Versus the Volcano, Bachelor Party, Toy Story 2, Sleepless In Seattle, Sleepless In Seattle 2: You’ve Got Mail, etc.). What I am getting at is that since the late 80’s when he was a great comedic actor, Tom has taken some shaky roles. But since 2000, Tom has only accepted roles in sure-fire hits, probably because he doesn’t want to end up back on Bosom Buddies.
3.) Jean Reno is in the movie. Hence the car chase. He is the actor from Leon: The Professional (you know, the movie that USA Network plays every single weekend), and he is the driver from Ronin’s legendary car chase. Not known for his great acting skills, he relies on his ability to do action. If this movie asks him to rely on his acting, good luck trying to get your admission money back.
4.) The book has sold billions of copies, both in print and on audiotape/CD.
5.) The movie was already successful once, when the great mystery wasn’t about religion, Tom Hanks was played by Nicholas Cage, and the name of the movie was changed to “National Treasure.”

Trailer:  www.IMDb.com

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Synopsis: In order to save an orphanage from closure, a priest (Black) dons a masks and moonlights as a luchador.

Trailer Verdict: The preview for Nacho Libre does a pretty decent job of telling the plot outline that will unfold in the movie. Jack Black is a priest in charge of an orphanage. He is also the number 1 fan of Mexican Wrestling, known as Lucha Libre. His orphanage is doing bad and is probably going to close (which is the conflict in the movie if I had to guess). Jack and an unnamed-in-the-preview sidekick have to join the world of Lucha Libre as tagteam wrestlers to save the orphanage. Add clips of Jack Black being Jack Black (hilarious blend of physical comedy and well timed line delivery), clips of him wrestling (and yes, he is still slightly out of shape and in wrestling spandex), and you have yourself a nicely blended preview that should draw a crowd to theatres.

Trailer Review: Jack Black takes the role of Nacho the priest to save an orphanage. Writer Mike White seems to take the story line from Blues Brothers (trying to save an orphanage), add the physical comedy of Jack (example Saving Silverman), and throw homage to Fray Tormenta, the real-life Mexican Priest turned luchador, in this sure fire comedy masterpiece. Well, maybe masterpiece is a strong word for a movie that I haven’t seen yet. In the preview you can also hear that Nacho speaks with a spanish accent, which could prove to be distracting from the overall ambiance of the movie. Plus Ana de la Reguera, who plays the nun that Nacho has a crush on, is really hot.

Trailer: www.NachoLibre.com

Plugs: 2

“From the Director of Napoleon Dynamite” - Jared Hess

“From the Writer of School of Rock” - Mike White

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Tag Line: Life’s simple, Make Choices, Don’t Look back

Release Date: June 16, 2006

The Trailer Verdict: 4 flashing neon Tokyo storefronts

Synopsis: Shaun Boswell, who has always been an outsider. A loner at school, his only connection to the indifferent world around him is through illegal street racing — which has made him particularly unpopular with the local authorities. To avoid jail time, Shaun is sent out of the country to live with his uncle in the military, in a cramped apartment in a low-rent section of Tokyo. In the land that gave birth to the majority of modified racers on the road, the simple street race has been replaced by the ultimate pedal-to-the-metal, gravity-defying automotive challenge … drift racing, a deadly combination of brutal speed on heart stopping courses of hairpin turns and switchbacks. For his first unsuccessful foray in drift racing, Shaun unknowingly takes on D.K., the “Drift King,” with ties to the Yakuza, the Japanese crime machine. The only way he can pay off the debt of his loss is to venture into the deadly realm of the Tokyo underworld, where the stakes are life and death. IMDB.com

Trailer Review: Fast and Furious 3 moves beyond the shores of the US and heads to Japan where some new punk with muscles, Shawn(Lucas Black) gets introduced to drifting by his pal. The movie hits the same cycle as most of the Fast and Furious do, one race at the beginning which defines the main character for the rest of the movie.  If Shaun’s friend introduced him to drifting shouldn’t he know not to race the Yakuza?  The movie progresses nicely with some racing, some drifting, getaways and crashes.  It’s too predictable and plays more like Need for Speed Underground than an actual movie.  Wait until this one hits the dollar theatre.

Plugs: 1 , and 850,000

Universal Studios

The usual assortment of slap on upgrades (read stickers) are on 90% of the cars potentially raising the branding of NOS a few levels.

Trailer: Fast and Furious 3: Tokyo Drift Trailer
Soundtrack: Not Yet available
Showtimes: Not Yet available

Movie Verdict: Coming Soon!

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[tags]Drifting, Fast and furious 3, Tokyo Drift, Street Racing, Vin Diesel Wannabe[/tags]

Tagline: I forgot what I’s supposed to say!
Release Date: July 27, 2007

The Trailer Verdict: Doh, we got beat to a movie by Family Guy, Release a teaser trailer now.

Synopsis: Simpsons, they are in a movie!

Trailer Review: Short and sweet, with an appearance by Movie Voice guy.  There isn’t much to review on this one so I’ll get an updated review out when a formal trailer surfaces.

Plugs: 2

Superman

Simpsons

Trailer: http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox/thesimpsonsmovie/teaser/

Soundtrack: NA

Showtimes: NA

Movie Verdict: Coming Soon!

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Tagline: Kiss your ice goodbye.

Synopsis: Diego, Manny and Sid return in this sequel to the hit Ice Age. This time around the Ice Age is over and is starting to melt, which will destroy their valley. So they must unite and warn everyone about the situation.

Trailer Verdict: There are three trailers for this movie floating around. One is for the video game, one that shows that the ice is melting and everyone is afraid, and the third, which eludes to a love story between Manny (the wolley mammoth voiced by Ray Romano) and Ellie (a female wolley mammoth voiced by Queen Latifa). The second and third trailers are being reviewed now. Both do a decent job of showing the plot of the movie, the humor and good animation, as well as the star studded lineup, including Romano, Latifa, Denis Leary, John Leguizamo, Sean William Scott, Jay Leno, et al. Too bad for this movie Jack Black was too busy to return in the sequel, as some real talent (besides Leary) usually helps a movie sell (BahZing!!).

Trailer Review: Both the second and the third preview are only half as long as they could have been. This is due to a small, mildly entertaining squirrel named Scrat. Everyone who isn’t living devoid of television knows who Scrat is, as his role in the trailer of the first Ice Age sold the movie alone. And it appears the studios realized this and are selling another movie by showing one scene of Scrat’s crazy antics chasing an acorn in both trailers (note: voice of Scrat is Chris Wedge, director of the first Ice Age). In the last 15 seconds of the second trailer do we learn that the Ice is melting and apocalypse is following if the main characters don’t make a run for it. And in the last 15 seconds of the third trailer we learn that Manny needs to perpetuate the wolley mammoth species, and meets Ellie (note: this sequence takes place on land. Does this mean the tradgety has been avoided, and thus this is only filler?). This awkward “must have a baby” sequence in a family movie not only seems out of place, but it brings to mind a whole series of “…not if she was the last woman on earth” jokes, which in Manny’s case would come true because she is the last female wolley mammoth on earth. Poor guy.

This film shows some promise. It appears that, like most other kids movies lately, there is some humor only for adults that the kids won’t even grasp, making the movie appealing for all ages. It occurred to me however that the first Ice Age took place at the very first stages of the Ice Age. This movie is set at the end of the Ice Age. Scientifically speaking, there have been 4 major Ice Ages during earth’s history. Each of these lasted about 20,000 to 100,000 years from start to finish. I would like to point out that I am unaware of the life cycle of a wolley mammoth. And a Sabertooth Tiger. And what ever John Leguizamo’s character is. I do know that a squirrel’s life cycle is 10 years at best. So overlooking that all the major charachters are alive from start to finish, which to me is a huge scientific flaw, I don’t suppose this will be a terrible movie. It does surprise me that the end of the Ice Age is only movie #2, as they can no longer make movies under the name ICE AGE if there is no ice. They could have spread it out over 20 movies “Land Before Time” style. Despite my hatred for all things sequel, I give them credit for ending the series before it gets run into the ground and into your face. Usually the hunt for more money knows no bounds, not just one sequel. Anyways… does the movie have humor? Yes. Something for all ages? Yes. Celebrities? Yes. Excellent computer graphics? Yes. Great plot? Well 4 out of 5 isn’t bad, right?

Trailer: www.IMDb.com

Soundtrack: Ice Age the Meltdown Soundtrack

Movie Verdict: Coming Soon!

Tagline: Everything interesting begins in the mind.

Trailer Review: The trailer for this movie, at least to me, seems like it was about 10 movies and they picked scenes from each. First there is a crime scene, then an interrogation room, then a montage of obsessing over someone, then a clip from an apparent rave, then a high speed pursuit where a building or newsstand blows up as the car drives over it (cause that happens all the time). Then, to end the preview, they show another series of murders and group sex with Sharon Stone. And what movie review is complete without the voice of “Movie Preview Man.”

Synopsis: Novelist Catherine Tramell (Stone) is once again in trouble with the law, and Scotland Yard appoints psychiatrist Dr. Michael Glass (Morrissey) to evaluate her. Though, like Detective Nick Curran before him, Glass is entranced by Tramell and lured into a seductive game. (www.imdb.com). Takes place in London.

Trailer Review: Before I begin, I would like to point out that the tagline is too stupid for me to even say anything about it. Anyways: Lets start with the synopsis. “…is once again in trouble with the law… like Detective Nick Curran before him, Glass is entranced…and lured into a seductive game.” So if it is like the original movie (which even the movie’s own synopsis admits), why not just watch Basic Instinct 1 twice and save yourself the movie theater admission? The poster and synopsis both capture my next point: what kind of ’seductive game’ involves killing? The poster shows a hand at the bottom, and when someone says they want to play a game, my mind flashes SAW, which wasn’t seductive at all but did feature one messed up awesome game. When I think of seductive games, I think of Good Cop / Bad Cop, or Love Dice. I do not think of falling for a woman that is a known murderer so I can have sex with her and get her off of her murder charges so she can come after me. Call me weird.

The preview starts off with a crime scene of a murder, and it is clear that they have Stone dead to rights. Then they show the detective saying “We need a psychiatrist to say she’s dangerous. We need someone good and tough.” 1. If she just murdered someone, she is automatically considered dangerous. 2. Apparently they don’t have anyone good and tough, because the guy they chose looks like the host of Distraction and that he couldn’t fight his way out of a wet paper bag. Plus, if he was tough enough to resist her “charm”, there would be no movie.

According to the preview, the psychiatrist starts lusting for her (since when is talking in a whisper super sexy?), gets her off of a murder charge, then she starts to go after him, getting him accused of murder. I noticed something that they did not intend I think; twice in the preview, he grabs her and forcefully kisses her. Both times she makes a face like “Oh no!!” before the impact of the kisses. Apparently this guy is hard-up for sex. Use some of your money you spent on your deluxe apartment featured in the preview and get a hooker. The preview ends with Movie Theater Man saying “Survival…is the most basic instinct….Basic Instinct….2″ The pause before two makes me think even he forgot it was a sequel and had to squeeze the number in before the end of the audio.

Plugs: 3

MGM

InterMedia

C2 Pictures

Trailer: Imdb.com

Soundtrack: N/A

Movie Verdict: Coming Soon!

Tagline: If You Die in the Game – You Die For Real

Release Date: March 24, 2005

The Trailer Verdict: IGN, EGM, PSM, OXM all rank in .25 stars Combined

The Makers of this trailer hit all the marks as far as making a freaky trailer, unexplained gurgling noises, swooshing noises that deadly 17^th century women make when they move around undead in the night, and knife gnashing sounds to boot. Interjected into all of this are enunciated blackscreens which turn out to be annoying and a poor attempt to scare preview watchers with a blackout and a loud noise.

Other problems with the trailer, it states that there are 100 Million gamers in America and 1 in 4 is addicted, insinuating that this is what happens when you are addicted to video games. Reminds me I read some where that 68% of all statistics are made up.

Synopsis: After the mysterious brutal death of an old friend, a group of teenagers find themselves in possession of Stay Alive, a next generation horror survival videogame based on the spine-chilling true story of a 17th century noblewoman known as “The Blood Countess.” From Apple

Trailer Review: This movie is so unbelievable it is hard to know where to start. The cast is referred to as teenagers yet it includes, One guy with Glasses(first to die) who lives alone in a pricey abode, Suitman with the Bluetooth headset(36 years old), and so on and so forth who don’t represent teenagers at all (No school or Parents around). All of these actors are over 20! Next up the movie centers around this game that these friends find in a dead friends belongings, No one knows a thing about the game, yet it has detailed character models for each cast member and online play, right that’s plausible. Moving on some noisy lady from the 17^th century kills each player who dies in the game in the same manner in real life. It turns out the cast can’t stop the murders until they beat the game, blatant Jumanji ripoff. The ending is foreseeable from the beginning of the movie and is standard fare for the movies you will see on USA’s FRI, SAT, SUN 8 PM movie in 2 years. The actors do a poor job of representing gamers, getting the audience to “buy into” the movie and generally should have stayed FAR away from this script.

Plugs: 4

Hollywood Pictures

Spyglass Entertainment

Endgame

Steamboy: Plug in the form of huge poster behind gamers in couch scenes. Sony Pictures Anime movie

Trailer: APPLE

Soundtrack: NA

Showtimes: NA

Movie Verdict: Coming Soon!

Original Poster:

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[tags]Stay Alive, Jumanji, Frankie Muniz, Gaming Movies, Doom, gaming addiction, Movie Preview, Stay Alive Review[/tags]

Release Date: March 17^th 2006

The Trailer Verdict: And the Jury Says 4 Stars

The Trailer does an excellent job of introducing the movie with minimal time lost. The trailer itself is well done and makes for an enjoyable viewing.

Synopsis: Based on the true story of Giacomo “Jackie Dee” DiNorscio (VIN DIESEL), a member of New Jersey’s notorious Lucchese crime family. Already in the midst of serving a 30-year sentence, Jackie is offered an opportunity to shorten his time by testifying against many of his closest friends. From Apple

Trailer Review: Find Me Guilty gives us a few firsts first, Vin Diesel with hair, angry prosecutors, comedic mobsters…Find me guilty will be a revival for Vin Diesel taking him out of the I’m the bald Muscle guy character and letting him move on to more challenging rolls. The character is truly different from any I have seen Vin play. I tried not to like this movie and failed. It looks like Find Me Guilty should flop, It’s all been done before and it is a comedy based on a true story so it can’t be good can it? Well it is Vin nails the character of softspoken fumbling trusting “Jackie Dee” and is sure to be talked about as this movie moves towards a wider release.

Plugs: 2

Yari Film Group

NE Race

Trailer: Apple.com

Soundtrack: N/A

Movie Verdict: Coming Soon!

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[tags]Vin Diesel, Find Me Guilty, Mobsters, Sopranos, Yari Film Group, March 17th[/tags]