Snakes on a Plane. Riiiiight
Review by Jake
Release Date: August 18th, 2006
Tagline: Relax. They’re first class fliers.
Synopsis: On board a flight over the Pacific Ocean, an assassin, bent on killing a passenger who’s a witness in protective custody, lets loose a crate full of deadly snakes.
Trailer Review: Umm…well, since there isn’t much in the movie, there really isn’t much to show. The official preview is a black screen with white letters that says “the summer blockbusters…are all missing one thing…Snakes on a Plane.” Then there is 10 seconds of plot where they show CGI snakes going after passengers, Samuel L. Jackson has a gun on the plane (red flag! red flag!), and the pilot, along with 90% of the passengers, get biten and probably die. The trailer does not divulge any other plot or why there are Snakes on a Plane. It is far too short, and should be seen as a warning sign as to why NOT to see this movie.
Trailer Verdict: Stay away from this movie. I can’t believe that Hollywood is so out of ideas that Snakes actually got made. If an assassin wants to kill someone, he should do it himself! 1.) If you want to survive yourself, don’t put the snakes where they can kill you too. Which I will bet $100 is how the movie ends. The plane lands, everyone who survives thinks all is well, the assassin jumps out to kill the target himself, and a giant snake that he loosed will be his end. And I haven’t even seen the movie! 2.) If you want to survive, don’t let the snakes get to the pilot! Hello!! That is a no-win situation. 3.) I can’t believe an assassin can get a crate full of snakes on a plane, but can’t get a make-shift gun or a tooth floss container to strangle the target with on board. 4.) Even the most deadly, aggressive snake on the planet is not going to come out of a hiding place that is dark and quiet (like the cargo hold) to go into a place that is bright and full of people (the passenger compartment), and it certainly isn’t going to work together with snakes of different species. In the preview they show 20 different snake types creating mischief together. I don’t think so. 5.) The tagline is the dumbest tagline of any movie ever made. EVER. EVER!!
Movie Verdict: Stay away from this movie. I can not stress that enough. Don’t see it, even if someone else pays for your ticket. Even if someone else DARES you to go, resist the temptation and do something constructive for the next 2 hours, because if you watch this movie, do not come asking for 2 hours of your life back because I warned you and you wasted it anyways.
Plugs: 0
Trailer: Snakes On A Plane